Aries (March 21 – April 19) – Your favorite Aries coffee mug with the patched up handle will turn up in odd locations, wanting contact with your mouth. Beware, however, as its feeling a bit belligerent this month and may be out to burn you.

Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20) – That Taurus electric toothbrush you use so frequently is having relationship issues with its worn out head. It is time for a separation and a renewal.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) – The Gemini decorative wooden spoon set that you use when good company is coming will attract a lot of positive attention from your friends. Don’t be too jealous as it is merely a spoon.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) – Any set of colored pencils born under the sign of Cancer this month will be feeling particularly creative and inspired. Make sure to check the walls for random markings when you wake up in the morning, as the moon will enhance their ambitions.

Leo (July 23 – Aug 22) – That two foot tall ceramic turkey bought under the sign of Leo will have its dreams fulfilled when you actually dig it out of the attic and use it as the center theme of your Thanksgiving decorations. Not even the cooked and edible turkey can poison its moment of glory.

Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22) – The broken compass crafted long ago under the influence of Virgo will suddenly begin to work as its goals and purpose suddenly becomes clear.

Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22) – The Libran linoleum is feeling optimistic but a bit scuffed this month and yearns for the touch of a mop.

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21) – Scorpion remote control cars will be restless this month and want to explore new vistas.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21) That Sagitarian i-pod you bought definitely has a mind of its own this month and will start creating its own playlists. Don’t worry though, it has good taste in music.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19) The carefully crafted Capricorn leather jacket will hang harmoniously in the closet, enjoying the quiet company of the coat from Grandma that you never wear.

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18) That huge Aquarian piece of driftwood you found last summer at the beach will experience a change of career as you re-assign its duties as colorful paperweight to highly effective door stop.

Pisces (Feb 19 – March 20) Those Piscean one size fits all slippers you bought will prove to be a faithful pair of one person footwarmers, shunning the attention of all other wearers but you.