No amount of limbering up can prepare you for a race. Every race is different – same route yet different weather. Same amount of practice yet less amount of sleep.  Only one thing is certain – the first step tells you if it’s going to be a great run or a lousy one.

I’ve seen it, felt it and went through a lot of it. A relationship is much like a race. First, you run a lot of 5Ks, fast and short ones. You pile up finisher’s shirt after finisher’s shirt, boasting them to colleagues and friends. Next come the 10Ks, the more calculated but easy to master races. And finally, the ultimate goal of every runner – the Marathon – the full 42K, the apex of one’s running career.

Looking at it in a runner-slash-lover perspective, 5Ks, while satisfying, are flings, mere foreplays. 10Ks, while more challenging, are short-lived romances, fun while it last. Running the marathon, on one hand, needs commitment and a lot of training.  More so, it requires lifestyle changes. A marathon is something you work on, plan for and improve on. Most professional runners are familiar with what is called “The Wall” – the 30th Kilometer when one feels as if he has reached his limits and yet has to run the remaining 12 kilometers. In marriage, one also reaches a point of no return. After some thirty years, you may have discovered things about your partner which you find rather undesirable or have become tired of making the marriage work, yet you need to remember that you vowed to stay together for better or for worse. When you reach “The Wall” in your marriage, like in a marathon, you rely on heart, loads of it. The sudden adrenalin rush to push further despite all the kilometers, aches and pains, gets you over the wall. The heart prevails when the mind and body almost reaches its limits.  Once your heart surrenders, you will never go the distance. Think about all the fun you had training for the marathon, the fun times you’ve spent building the relationship. You must find your strengths in mutual experiences which made you decide to go the distance, sounds cliché and oft-repeated, but more often, true to long-lasting relationships. After the ceremonies comes the real challenge, your first kilometer of commitment. Work on 42 kilometers of marriage, then the next 8 would just be icing on the cake. 50 golden years together looks easy if you stay “healthy”. Here are some “running tips”:

1. Try to start with a slow trot: Don’t rush into things. Build the relationship first and get to know each other particularly personal nuances and how to get around them. The road ahead may be filled with potholes but the there are always alternate routes. Try to find common ground and build on this. Shared experiences mean a lot; it is the cornerstone of fond memories.
2. Memorize your pace, pick up speed, and allow slowdowns: Never stagnate, like races, relationships are all about careful planning, knowing when to speed up and getting adequate slowdowns in between. You make better time and finish with more quality by planning ahead.
3. Pay attention to the road: Your partner is your road. Put your senses to work and master the road. Listen and understand, touch and feel, empathize and sympathize. See proverbial potholes and patch things up. It may be the same road on a daily basis, but you know that traveling through the same path is always pleasurable and relaxing. Get a grip and enjoy the ride.
4.  Breathe, catch your second wind: Allow yourself to breathe, give each other space. Marriage, unlike running, is not a physical sport. Elbows are not allowed and punches not welcomed. There will be some point in the race that may leave you breathless, just stop for a while, catch your breath, run slowly and get back to pace.
5. Set your sights on the finish line:  It’s useless going back to the starting line, even if you have to walk to get it done. FINISH THE RACE. Never leave anything hanging, don’t sleep on it, kiss and make up. You’ve gone 8K on a 10K, finish the job but don’t expect to run the next 2K as fast as when you started. Take it slow and breast the tape gracefully. When you fight, it may be ferocious, sometimes it happens at a frantic pace, but when you make up, you have to take it slow. You get cut fast, but wounds heal slowly.
6. Train for the next, add more distance: Get enough recovery time and train for your next target race. You can’t progress to longer distances without earning miles on short distance races. It’s blood, sweat and tears. Treat each day as “training day”, master the road, master your emotions. It takes months to train for a marathon and years to master your marriage. Be patient, no matter how fast other people go or if they get in front you, sooner or later you will be able to catch up. Your strength lies in the amount of training you put into completing this race, the amount of love you put into mastering yourselves and knowing how to resolve conflicts. You should know what to do when you hit the wall, when everything becomes a struggle to complete, when the going gets really tough. It always helps to supplement what you have lost from exhaustion with a power bar or gel. In the case of marriage, all you need are power minds and more powerful hearts.