Scitzophrenia

Published by in Offbeat
10th Mar 2017

I’m doing this for a friend of mine who is Scitzophrenic. She wants me to write about her disability so I decided to write some humor about it. She is a lovely person. She is nice to everybody and she is my best friend.

Ah yes. I’m Scitzo. For one, I talk to myself. And I answer back. It’s like Hello Jeri, you seem happy today. Oh I know I’m happy and I hope to have a good day.

That’s one  thing about schizophrenia,  you get to talk to yourself and answer back and get away with it. People will think that you are nuts, but if you tell them that you are a scitzo they will back off. At least you won’t go to jail for talking to yourself and answering back.

Another thing about being scitzo is the fact that you don’t have to work, you get to be on welfare. Of course you won’t be able to afford to go on a shopping spree at Macy’s or Crate and Barrel but you won’t have to be told what to do every day by a boss and you can be in scitzo world 24 7.

I hallucinate. I see things and I hear voices. I see Ozzie Ozborne naked. I see  Justien Bieber naked.  They tell me to come to them. But I won’t do that, I want to be famous for being me, not a sleazy ho.

I feel as the world is too much for me to handle.

I always go downtown, but I feel as though I can’t relate to other people. So I write down on a note pad with my trusty black magic marker all the people that I hate.

I mean, the lady in the green dress. The man in the jeans and white t shirt. The homely boy who looks as though he’s never seen a bathtub in his whole life.

Being schizophrenic has it’s ups and downs. Do I  like being scitzo, yeah. I was born with it. What’s your excuse? I don’t have an excuse. I just am.

  • Caleb

    My step mother said there is nothing wrong with talking to your self..At least you have someone of equal intelligence to discuss things with…:) BTW. I liked this..you did good