A very good friend of mine, who playfully goes by the nickname of Nikki, said something to me today, which got me thinking…

Now, the thing that she said, isn’t exactly something unique, or like the words of a true Zen master. Nope. They’re just ordinary words with a slightly profound meaning behind them. I swear to god, sometimes the stuff that comes out of her, even she doesn’t realize the weight it carries.

So, at this point, you must be wondering what she said to me. Well for you to understand what she said, you must first understand the statement to which she responded. That being said, here’s the short conversation:

Me: I’m nervous about coming to the US
Nikki: Don’t worry; you’ve already got an excellent support structure here, namely, me and Jake.

Jake’s another good friend of mine. 

Now, that’s the statement that got me thinking. Our conversation continued normally. But, in the back of my mind, her statement (for one reason or another) just sort-of stuck there. I know it’s strange, but that’s the way it is.

Here’s what I began thinking…

So, if, friendship was to be considered a “structure” or sorts, then obviously, all the symbolism and analogies would apply as well, would they not? After all, like friendships, structures can also be classified as “weak” and “strong”. 

Like all structures, friendships too need a good foundation.

Depending on how you build a structure, you could use various materials to build it. You could use brick, wood or even mud (think about the story involving three pigs and a wolf. The wolf huffed-and-puffed and blew away the wood and mud houses, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t blow away the brick house). Aren’t friendships like that as well? I mean, if you build a strong foundation for a friendship, then, decide to construct the walls of the house with lies (wood) and/or deception (mud); then what good is that strong foundation? The walls will still be blown apart when push comes to shove.

Then there’s the maintenance of the structure. Every structure needs to be actively maintained. Cracks and fissures need to be repaired and Infestations (if any) need to be dealt with quickly and promptly. Aren’t friendships similar? Do they not require constant and active maintenance? I’ve heard people say that friendships and other relationships are about “compromise”. Wonder if that’s true or not… As far as I know, maintenance is about remembering important (and sometimes even the not-so-important) dates relating to your friend(s). That’s what I honestly believe. Actions speak louder than words, so, in other words – showing your friend that you’re there for them, even when they never asked to be shown. That’s what “maintenance” means in a friendship context, I believe. I might be wrong, so please, feel free to correct me on any part of this discussion.

Like all structures, friendships too have to do battle against the elements. I guess “elements” in the friendship context would be rumours, backstabbing, etc. Anything and everything that directly affects the state of the friendship at any given time, I suppose, would be the “elements” that a friendship must face.

Load bearing structures are hard to build, but most certainly, they’re the ones that truly last. Notice that a load-bearing structure is seldom made of wood or mud. It is usually constructed of brick or steel forged from the hottest of fires. Now, going with the present context of the “structure” being “friendship”, then according to me, “load” would be defined as: circumstances beyond the control of the individual that do not exert pressure on the friendship directly. 

That’s the difference between the “load-bearing” and “Elements” description – The former exerts pressure indirectly whereas the latter exerts pressure directly.

For example, if one of the friends is going through a stressful or even traumatic event in his/her lives, the effect of that even may put strain on the friendship. Friendships that have a strong foundation and are constructed from the ground up with Brick (truth, honesty and trust) and have a skeletal structure of Iron (mutual understanding, loyalty and concern for one another) can bear great loads and survive the test of time without crumbling. Those who do not have the foundation, the structure or even the bricks to build the structure with, cannot survive the test of time. It’s as simple as that.

That’s the test of true friendship. Look closely at your own friendships. What have you built them upon? Is there a strong foundation of honesty and trust? Is the building material that of brick, wood Or mud? What sort of internal structure are you using between the bricks? Iron rods? Or is there no internal structure at all?

Last, but not the least: can the structure you’ve built withstand the elements? If it can, then how much load can it bear? Remember, these are the factors that will determine how good the friendship is, and if it’ll stand the true test of time.