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When Someone Insults You: 12 Neat Comebacks

Published by Simnage in Offbeat
March 7th, 2010

Have you ever been taken by surprise when someone insulted you? Were you at a loss for words?

Put-down artists count on the element of surprise when launching insulting remarks. Become master of the nuance and use these witty comebacks to put put-down artists in their place.

When someone insults you, come back with:

  1. “Have you always been this way?” (The person will be left wondering what you mean.)
  2.  “Are you on medication for that?” Shake your head sadly.
  3. “By the way, I’ve heard of a program for people like you. It’s called Effective Communication Skills.”
  4. Give a pitying look and ask if you can get the person an aspirin.
  5. Ask “Do you always mask insults with humor?” Wait for a response.
  6. Pat the person on the shoulder and say: “It’s obvious you are under stress. Is there anything I can do?”
  7. Mention an acquaintance of yours who is always putting others down and make the observation that people who do this obviously suffer from low self-esteem.
  8. Thank the person profusely for pointing out what’s wrong with you and lay it on thick until the person gets uncomfortable.
  9. Laugh (purposely misunderstand) and confide that you are going to tell all your friends about their silly remark.
  10. Use a silent comeback: give a big yawn and glance at your watch. (They see that their remark failed to  spark a reaction.).
  11. “We are so alike in some ways, aren’t we?” (This witty comeback is particularly effective if someone has made an insulting remark about your weight.).
  12. Ask the person to repeat what they just said. Then ask them to enlarge on it. Tell them you still don’t quite get it and keep asking for more details.

Nip verbal attacks in the bud with these effective and witty comebacks, turning the tables on the person trying to derail your self-esteem and make you appear foolish.

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6 Comments
  1. Posted February 28, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    I would say “Just like your dad when he thought he didn’t need a condom.”

  2. Posted March 26, 2012 at 5:03 am

    hi i have a real problam at school so if any one has some realy awsom come backs that would be so good

    THANKS

  3. Posted November 7, 2012 at 10:25 am

    it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell you to fuck off

  4. LALALOOPSY
    Posted December 3, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a better comeback than that. :)

  5. LALALOOPSY
    Posted December 3, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop out a better comeback than that. :)

  6. Posted December 10, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    I just say Buttsex for my comebacks or butt cheeks

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