To never have to do the dishes again

To never need to cook a meal again

To have my meal given to me when I come in, regardless of time and yes I will complain if it isn’t ready or is ruined

To allow the pets to lick clean the plates I can’t be bothered to move off the floor

To let mould grow in my old coffee mugs

To leave my laundry around the house and have you clear it up

To not have to figure out how the washing machine works

To not have to learn how to use an iron

To expect you to have a full time job and do all the housework

To not have to tidy up – that’s YOUR job

To not have to lift a finger around the house – unless I want to

To go out with my mates on a drinking binge and not tell you when I am coming home

To forget birthdays and anniversaries

To think a bunch of garage flowers is a sufficient apology

To spend ages talking about how great my car is and not notice your new hairdo or clothes

To think “facebooking” is a good way to communicate with you

To have a better relationship with my computer and blackberry than you

To know more about my online buddies than you

To expect hugs, cuddles and *** when I want it

To expect you to look after the kids and deal with discipline

To sit in my underpants all weekend if I want to

To spread out across the bed and have all the duvet if I want

To snore all night and refuse to use the spare room

To stay in bed for as long as I want

To drink beer in front of the TV and watch sports

To fart in bed, heck to fart anywhere!

To let myself go – I don’t need the gym body any more

Well heck darlin’ what do you expect??? I married ya didn’t I…!

Yes my darling you did but after all that… here’s the number of my divorce lawyer!

Image via Wikipedia

Image via Wikipedia