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Work Leave Request
Don’t be satisfied with a normal boring work leave request – I need to go capture a yeti in the Himalayas – I need to get my brain operated on to remove an alien implant – I am required to participate in a bikie gang war.
BORING.
Instead, use this one. It is sure to get you a day or two off.
Last night I was visited by an alien from planet Shiputomous Histangery Indegonas Trinity of the spermatosous system. This alien said I was special and that I was required for a very special mission – a mission to the centre of the earth! Of course I asked the alien “why me – why am I so special?” The alien said that my question could only be answered by making love to it.
So I made love to the various orifices it had to offer and in the exchange of extra-terrestrial fluids I learnt many and amazing things. Mostly, I was chosen for this mission as only a particular kind of deranged and insane animal can pass through the inner terrestrial energy conduits that lead to the centre of the earth. A normal human’s brain would explode out of their ears and eye sockets. Within the conduit the most disgusting and deviant things that the universe can offer are fed into the mind of the conduit traveler and apparently I am immune to this as I conceived most of it.
Hmmmm – I think Dolphins have sex on the brain! via Wikipedia
In the centre of the earth is a giant crystal. This crystal generates the energy of the universe and is powered by the equalising forces of good and evil. Our current universe is duality based and thus it makes sense that at its core is a force where good and evil are in equilibrium – these opposing forces create the energy of the universe. The problem is that the conduits were penetrated by green peace hippies – who being pretty much brain dead to begin with – survived the journey. These hippies however upset the delicate balance of the crystal and it is now approaching 99% good. If it hits 100% the universe will becomes a sickening place of hugs and cuddles. All movies will be chick flicks only and men will gather in circles and talk about their feelings. Calendars will only contain pictures of kittens. There will be NO PORN! The Universe would be unbearable.
This freaky beatnik nearly destroyed all life as we know it. If you should see one of these anywhere – punch em in the nose! via Wikipedia
I, being 99% evil, am required to merge with the crystal and bring balance to the force. There is a danger that I will lose my life in the process, or at the very least become a balance of good and evil myself. Even though this is intolerable to me, the thought of movies with nothing but Julie Roberts crying her stupid cow eyes out is worse. I will therefore make this ultimate sacrifice. Please pray for my dark and corrupted soul.
Anyway – this trip is planned for tomorrow so I need to take the day off.
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14 Comments
1.) I need to know if it was good for the alien.
2.) The thought of kitty calendars infiltrating the entire planet is enough to make me want to pour boiling lemon juice in my eyes right now.
3.) Give the aliens my e-mail address in case you falter in your journey. I’d be more than happy to finish your mission–for the greater good of mankind.
I am on my knees already, praying to allah the buddha,the god who is know as god and all other deities for your safe return.
Oh you are so funny! The comment about the dolphins was a classic, keep them coming!
may the force be you, son.
Thanks,
Clay
Haha loved this one!!!!
Interesting!
I am, uh, er, almost at a loss for words. Almost. Of course you’ll be taking Rick Wakeman with you on the trip. Yes?
I kind of like the universe that you described. I love kittens and Julia Roberts movies. And I think it would be good for men to share their feelings once in awhile.
Your name and Triond profile are now on bathroom stalls all over the galaxy.
This is great and so much fun to read!
Thanks for your great sacrifice for mankind Duff. Very funny story. Well done.
very weird but very cool….”when the going gets weird, the weird go pro” quote HST….funny stuff duff!
you never cease to amaze me, Weirder and weirder but in a good weird way.
I think hippies look at porn too, but this story was very creative! What made it all the more spectacular was thinking about it actually being told to a boss! Well done evil one!
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Pinky: Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky – try to take over the world!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!