Teri Hatcher

10 years ago I don’t think I would have included Terri Hatcher on this list. Back then she was kind of cute and charming, but oh what a difference a decade can make. I know find her completely unbearable to watch. It certainly doesn’t help that she was cast as Susan Mayer on Desperate Housewives, who is arguably the most annoying character ever written. Her skeletal frame and giant ass face means that she’s past her prime and no longer welcome on my TV.

Fergie/Pink

I like my women to not have penises. I don’t know what it is about a woman who has a dick, but it just really turns me off. The lower abdomen man-muscles also make me uncomfortable. And just in case anyone forgot, Fergie pees on herself and contrary to popular belief, that is not hot.

Britney Spears

I know, I know, it’s like punching a baby in the gut. Too easy and rather unsatisfying, BUT it needs to be said. She was hot before she went nuts, but now she’s a manatee. A manatee with a fug-face. A fug-face that hates children. And hygiene.

Kirsten Dunst

NEVER ATTRACTIVE. I don’t care what you say. For some reason she keeps landing major movie roles and at some point she was even dating my boyfriend, Jake, so the only logical explanation is that she made some kind of deal with some kind of devil. But don’t let her evil sorcery fool you, it’s her actual everything that makes her ugly. Her boobs are floppy and her face is gnarly. Plus I disagree with anyone who finds snaggle teeth endearing. They’re not. They weren’t on Jewel, and they aren’t on Kirsten.

Anyone Who Wears Crocs

You could be the most attractive god damn human being on this planet, but if your feet are nestled snugly in a pair of crocs, you’re ugly. Ugly and gullible for believing that crocs are fashionable. It’s worse when you are ugly to begin with AND you choose to wear crocs. That’s when you should walk into traffic because no one likes you. They just pretend to be your friend because you pay for stuff.

Renee Zellweger/Ellen Pompeo

These two baffle my brain. Why do they keep getting work? Last time I checked, they both looked like fungus. And is anyone else curious why we have never seen them in the same place at the same time? Hollywood may have room for one anorexic smush face, but two is where I draw the line.

Rosie O’Donnell/Donald Trump

It is completely inhumane that these two continue to get press for their constant bickering. YOU’RE BOTH UGLY AND NOT TALENTED. STOP MAKING ME LOOK AT YOU. Remember when Rosie O’Donnell wore that leather bondage gear in that Exit to Eden movie?

Who thought that was a good idea? The nineties were weird.

Jack White

He’s pale, his face is fat, and I find his music to be boring and pretentious. Is he talented? Yes. Does that make him less ugly? No. It seems only fitting that he would have dated another member of this list. Ewww… just thinking about him and Renee together makes me itchy.

Pete Doherty

Why? What is the appeal here? He (is/was/is) dating the biggest supermodel in the whole world and he actually looks like a venereal disease. Ever wondered what gonorrhea looks like? Pete Doherty. And with all this relationship nonsense going on between the two of them, I have to see his ugly face every day. What did I do to deserve this?