Do you have someone to sift through your M & M’s an remove all the green ones before you even look in the bag? Or are you happy to eat them by the fistful without even looking at the colours? Do you throw a strop because your lover tells you your new trews look “nice” instead of “fabulous”? Or are you happy they even noticed? Fancy answering other such questions to find out just how high maintenance you really are? Then do this quiz.

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Quiz: Jacqui Deevoy

1. When people say they’ll get in touch on a certain day and then they don’t, it’s because…

a) They forgot,

b) They couldn’t be arsed, or

c) They’re dead.

2. You’re in need of physical affection, but you’re home alone. Do you:

a) Cuddle up to your teddy bear,

b) Go out and find someone to get physical with, or

c) Phone around till you find someone cuddly who’s willing to come over?

3. You’re watching TV on the sofa with your lover. Are they:

a) Nodding off,

b) Having their head stroked, or

c) Giving you a nice foot massage?

4. Do you cook?

a) Of course – you’d starve if you didn’t. And, anyway, you quite enjoy it…

b) Sometimes – if there’s no-one else around to do it for you or if the take-away’s shut.

c) Not while there’s the opposite sex around, no.

5. Do you expect your partner to pay you compliments?

a) Not really. You find it a bit creepy.

b) Yes, but only when you deserve them (i.e. when you’re looking especially hot or have done something especially nice),

c) Of course – all the time preferably.

6. Your date is two hours late and has arrived apologising profusely. Is the date:

a) Fine. You forgive them immediately so there wouldn’t be a problem,

b) A bit dodgy to start with but as long as they try to make up for it a bit (lots of compliments, paying fo everything, etc…), it’s sure to go OK, or

c) Off?

7. One of your closest friends spells your name wrong in the birthday card they’ve sent you. Do you:

a) Ignore it – they’ve never been any good at spelling,

b) Mention it jokily. You’re a tiny bit offended but you don’t want to make a big thing of it, or

c) Make a dig at every opportunity from here to eternity – that’s if you still keep them as a friend of course?

8. How much sleep do you need?

a) An average amount – between six and eight hours.

b) Very little, but they say that’s a sign of genius so you don’t feel hard-done-by.

c) Loads – I just can’t function at optimum level without 10 hours (minimum) per night.

9. I expect presents:

a) Because it’s Christmas or my birthday

b) Because I’ve been good or ill

c) All the time.

10. I need a lover who is:

a) Kind

b) Sexy

c) Psychic

Scores – 1 for every a), 2 for every b) and 3 for every c).

CONCLUSIONS

If you scored 16 or under, you enjoy the good life, but you don’t need loads of upkeep from others to feel satisfied. You’re forgiving and understanding – good qualities, but qualities which can be abused. Making excuses for people may just be your way of not facing facts. You’re self-sufficient, believe that confidence comes from within and don’t need anybody fussing around you. That’s what you keep telling everyone (and yourself) anyway. Thinking about it now though, it WOULD be nice if people put themselves out for you occasionally, wouldn’t it? There’s no way you’d ask though. But maybe you should. Maybe you should insist. Because if you carry on the way you’re going, you’ll be taken advantage of. In fact you already are being taken advantage of, aren’t you? (Go on – admit it. This isn’t actually what you want at all, so do something (i.e. make an effort to be a bit more high maintenance) before you’re totally trampled.

If you scored 17 – 23, you’re pretty demanding and a lot of people – those close to you especially – would describe you as high maintenance. You know what you want and you know how to get it but, unlike a truly high maintenance person, that doesn’t necessarily mean you EXPECT to get it – and it doesn’t necessarily mean that you want it brought to you on a tray. If someone’s kind enough to give you what you want, you’re happy to return the compliment and that’s something a real high maintenance type would never do. You can get a tad paranoid on occasion – mainly about what others think of you – and that’s what prevents you from going over-the-top with your demands. Basically you’re OK, because you know when you’re being demanding, know how far to take it, and know when to stop too.

If you scored 24 – 30, you’re sooo high maintenance you make Christine Aguilera look like no trouble at all. You want constant attention and affection (apart from when you’re not in the mood for it of course and then it must stop) and get totally miffed if you don’t get what you want – or, according to you, what you need. You want to be looked after but at the same time want to be in control. You believe that the world revolves around you, that you are the star in the film of everyone’s lives and that your lover(s) and friends are sitting around just awaiting your next instruction. Maybe they are. But it won’t always be like that (and, deep down, you know it). As long as you’re prepared for an uprising, you’ll be OK. If you’re not, you’ll go on being a high maintenance nightmare surrounded by scaredy-cat brown-nosed friends and lovers for some time to come.