1. Which of the following descriptions best fits the shoes you’re wearing now?

a) Words cannot describe their beauty – they’re the most wondrous shoes in the world

b) Fashionable

c) Like all your other shoes

d) Scruffy – in fact, you could do with a new pair

e) Cheap

f) Brand new and brilliant

2. You go out to buy a pair of shoes. How long does it take?

a) Less than half an hour

b) You enjoy yourself but go home empty-handed

c) Not long if there’s a sale on

d) Around an hour: you know what you want and where to get them

e) Not long if you’ve been given the right directions

f) All day – even if you see the ones you like right away, you like to enjoy a whole day in shoe shops

3. How many pairs of shoes do you buy a year?

a) More than ten

b) Between eight and ten

c) Between five and seven

d) Three or four

e) One or two

f) You often go a whole year without buying any

4. How quickly do you go off your new shoes?

a) As soon as you’ve worn them once

b) As soon as you get them out of the shoe shop

c) You love them forever

d) When they wear out

e) When they go out of fashion

f) Until you see them in a colour you haven’t got

5. What is the biggest thing you would sacrifice in order to buy a pair of gorgeous new shoes?

a) Dinner for a week

b) A date with the man of your dreams

c) A new outfit

d) A weekend away with your best friend

e) A two-week holiday in Antigua

f) Eternal happiness

6. How would you describe your shoes in general?

a) They chronicle the history of shoes from the late seventies to present day: you’d never be without them

b) They’re all completely different and reflect your moods: you love them all

c) They’re all pretty much the same and that’s the way you like it

d) They’re never quite the ones you wanted to buy and as a result you don’t really like any of them

e) Loads of hardly-worn pairs that you almost forget you own and a few worn-out favourites

f) A few favourite pairs: you always give away ones you’ve grown tired of.

7. Regardless of the type you possess, which style of shoe do you feel best suits your “character”?

a) A fluffy Marabou stiletto mule

b) A spiky-heeled patent “glamour-girl” shoe

c) A trainer, DM, desert boot or baseball boot

d) A loafer, court shoe

e) A girlie, fussy, patterned shoe with lots of straps, bows and buckles

f) All of the above – depending on your mood

Now check your scores…

SCORES

1. a-V b-C c-S d-L e-G f-A

2. a-L b-V c-G d-S e-C f-A

3. a-A b-L c-S d-C e-G f-V

4. a-A b-L c-V d-G e-C f-S

5. a-G b-V c-S d-C e-L f-A

6. a-C b-A c-S d-V e-L f-G

7. a-L b-V c-G d-S e-L f-A

Count up which letter you have most of (if you fall into two categories, you’re a mixture of both), then check the conclusions to discover all about you and shoes…

CONCLUSIONS

Mostly V’s, you’re MISS VOYEUR

You’re choosy, romantic, scatty, idealistic, lovable and funny.

You:

- Spend hours staring in shoe shop windows

- Go into shoe shops and gaze adoringly at the footwear without ever trying anything on

- Always reply “No thanks – I’m just looking,” when a shop assistant asks if they can be of any help.

- Have fantasies about buying and owning hundreds of pairs of shoes

- Actually own about four pairs

Mostly A’s, you’re MISS ADDICT

You’re imaginative, witty, lively, mischievous, entertaining and impatient.

You:

- Crave shoes more than any food

- Cannot pass a shoe shop without slipping in, slipping on and splashing out

- Are prepared to go without basic essentials so you can buy just one more pair

- Make all sorts of pathetic excuses as to why you “need” another pair

- Have an underlying guilt complex, which causes you to hide new shoes, and when they’re discovered you claim that you’ve “had them for ages”

- Own at least 25 pairs of shoes and would wear them all at once if you could

Mostly S’s, you’re MISS STRAIGHT

You’re practical, down-to-earth, sympathetic, capable, ambitious and friendly

You:

- Find a style of shoe you like and stick to it

- Find a colour you like and stick to that too

- Have at least five pairs of identical shoes

- Own the same style of shoe in every shade of navy or brown in existence

- Wouldn’t dream of wearing a pair of fluffy Marabou mules in all seriousness

- Think people who wear high heels are mad

Mostly L’s, you’re MISS LOAFER

You’re slothful, sensuous, attractive, self-indulgent and careless

You:

- Buy shoes whenever the fancy takes you

- Own at least 30 pairs but you’re too lazy to get them out of the wardrobe

- Wear one pair of “favourites” until they’re falling apart…

- Then convince yourself you need a new pair… Ad infinitum

Mostly C’s, you’re MISS COVETOUS

You’re chatty, amusing, playful, a bit of a laugh, one of the girls but a little lacking in confidence

You:

- Always like other girls’ shoes better than your own

- Have no qualms about asking someone why, where and how much if they’re wearing a pair of shoes you like

- Can’t have even the briefest chat with someone without mentioning their shoes

- Drive your friends mad by dashing out and buying exactly the same shoes as them

Mostly G’s, you’re MISS GOODY TWO-SHOES

You’re sensible, environmentally friendly, money-conscious and patient but can be thoughtless at times

You:

- Think it’s sinful to spend a lot of money on shoes

- Always tell your friends where you can get shoes just like theirs for half the price

- Never buy shoes you like on impulse – you’re quite happy to wait months if necessary until they’re in the sale

- Tell less money-conscious friends how for the price of the shoes they’ve just splashed out on, they could feed, clothe and educate several Somalian children for several years

WHAT HIS SHOES SAY ABOUT HIM…

* LOAFERS. He’s smooth-talking and charming, unreliable and immature.

* DMs. He’s right-on and broadminded but could be scared of speaking his mind and could be somewhat lacking in imagination though.

* BROGUES. He’s witty and amusing, but can be moody and argumentative.

* TRAINERS, in particular trendy makes, mean he’s quite a laugh but possibly rather self-obsessed.

* CANVAS BASEBALL BOOTS are worn by men who are fun-loving and romantic, but may have trouble remaining faithful.

* BIKE BOOTS, worn by a bloke who doesn’t own a bike, are a sign of a man whose bark is worse than his bite. He’s bolshy on the surface but is actually quite sensitive underneath it all.

* COWBOY BOOTS are sported by extremely vain types.

* SANDALS are worn by men who like to believe that they’re open-minded. They love nature and are concerned with all things natural.

* SLIP-ONS, especially ones with elasticated sides, are worn by laid-back, easy-going – but occasionally lazy and selfish – men.

* ESPADRILLES are worn by complete hippies.

* DESERT BOOTS are worn by real squares. He thinks he’s fascinating – and indeed he is… if you, too, are interested in tadpoles and trains.

* SUEDE shoes mean he’s sensual, indecisive and absent-minded.

* LEATHER is worn by a man who likes to be in control.

* PATENT LEATHER means he’s a true individual.